A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS) and mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS). This diagnosis happened after almost a decade of inexplicable medical maladies and emergencies including multiple brain aneurysms, a broken back, some kidney issues, and several bouts of inconsistent anaphylactic shock.
This year I’ve been taking deliberate steps to address the laundry list of ailments that have turned me into a walking Jenga tower of loose joints and tendons. I’m in daily physical therapy to regain mobility while grappling with the embarrassment of needing a walker to get around on my feet for more than 2 minutes without falling over.
My diagnosis changed my career goals
Career-wise, I’m taking a very deliberate turn towards creating more original artwork in addition to my business development projects. Art is something that has always brought me immense joy, and I’m particularly fond of creating weird art.
I feel like my art will probably get weirder now that I’ve discovered new things about my body for the first time. Things like, normal people’s skin doesn’t stretch multiple inches away from their body or hip joints don’t cramp when you sit wrong but they can partially dislocate. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that the “stupid human tricks” of my youth were actually signs of disease, like toes that can dislocate willy-nilly and fingers that can contort into the weirdest positions.
The MCAS is honestly more terrifying for me than the EDS. I can become randomly, inexplicably allergic to anything at any time even if I’ve never been allergic to it before. And the allergy can disappear just as suddenly as it arrived. Will peanuts potentially kill me today? Or will the next vaccine?
Apparently, I can even become allergic to my own blood. Which is like, super rare and dangerous, but has now happened at least twice. Since I also have thalassemia, it’s really not ideal for me to be losing any of the precious red blood cells I do have.
It's also changing my artwork
Honestly though, I think the biggest change to my artwork will come from the new neural connections I’ve been forging in my brain to relieve chronic pain with the help of some fun new (prescribed) psychoactive substances. One of the unintended benefits of my medical messiness is that I’ve discovered the joys of therapeutic ketamine and THC in edible form.
So from today on, I’ll be posting new artwork on as close to a daily basis as I can. Sometimes I’m sure it will just be doodles. This is honestly more for me than for anything else as I grapple with some of the existential fallout from my diagnosis. You know, the whole “how long will I live, what will my quality of life be, who can care for me” sort of thing that usually follows retirement but is following me around like an especially naggy ghost.
Hopefully, you enjoy what I have to share and indulge in the weirdness and darkness with me. Because shit can suck but be beautiful and enjoyable at the same time, you know?
About this piece
Currently untitled, this piece was inspired by another artist’s piece for the MIT Technology Review. I was googling reference images of brains and that piece turned up in my search results. I wanted to make my own, weirder version of it to reflect some of the absurd images I get in my head on a daily basis.
I’m not sure I love the final product, but I’m happy with it. It conveys what I want it to convey. It was great practice working with and adapting a color palette to some unique textures and combinations.
The brain
If you’re not familiar with anatomy, the brain is sectioned into very accurate lobes. The connection of the eyeball to the occipital lobe isn’t anatomically accurate but it is neurally accurate. Vision is processed in the occipital lobe, though the optical nerve connects in a much different place.
I have always loved and been inspired by anatomical drawings. The brain is an infinitely interesting organ in terms of its design, because it connects in unexpected ways and is extremely resilient and adaptive to injury and trauma. So this piece literally started with the brain sectioned and divided and color coded.
The doodles
Each of the little doodles connects to the prefrontal cortex with loose, almost sloppy connections. I literally see them in my field of vision. And there is an extended thought on the concept of hope sitting in the back of my mind. The gritty textures and muddied colors reflect the fact that I do have a very dirty mind and a bit of a soft spot for raunchy human.
I’ve been binging in a lot more movies since I’ve been less mobile. I can’t stop thinking about movie snacks whenever I think of movies. Even as I write this I have that damn “let’s all go to the movies” jingle stuck in my head. So these images immediately made it into the piece.
I mean, who doesn’t think of their brain as a massive organic supercomputer sometimes? Or get frustrated at the inaccurate reflection of a dev’s laptop in most stock art?
These are remarkably accurate reflections of my doodles. The Tur-Dusa is honestly something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since imagining it.
It all means something to me. But interpret it how you want – and tell me if this is something you can relate to and why!
